Friendzoning (Briella)

3/28/2025

A guy and a girl are incredibly close friends, there is one caveat though, one is madly in love with them in an unrequited love, they have tried but can not push down their feelings any longer- they plan on telling their best friend, who is grateful to have a real genuine human friendship without the promise of a romance, someone who just appreciates them as a person without wanting more. When the confession comes the uninterested one will want to stay friends, and the heartbroken friend will agree, but the dynamic has changed, an awkward air. In this scenario nobody is right and nobody is wrong, but it is an interesting dichotomy and an incredibly common situation. I want to have a discussion on crushes and “friendzoning” . I don't have particularly strong opinions on this, I’m more interested in hearing your additives on the complicated scenarios. On one hand friendzoning is a huge cultural topic for a reason, and not a new thing - the childhood friend and stable boy loves the girl who is obsessed with the prince. Tale as old as time. People fall for friends all the time, it’s hard not to when you grow to learn so much about them, souls become intertwined, in their view they are appreciating an essence of a person they already love, it’s not just a physical attraction. On the other hand, that is an unfair situation for the people who are in the position to friendzone their admirer. It’s an impossible situation where they are also in love with this person’s soul but not in the same way and they feel responsible to protect their friends feelings while also upholding your own. It might even feel like a betrayal, like all the time spent together was a step in a plan, rather than a human connection, who’s to say if they actually enjoyed your friendship or if they were using it as a ploy to get what they wanted. Also if a friendship breaks because they don’t want to have a romance, it might feel as though they didn’t enjoy what the relationship you held so dear was. It is not like they owe anyone a romance. How human of us to make things so impossible and complicated. Of course it differs per situation, but generally, and assuming both people are what you consider to be good people, what do you think? Is one person more at fault? What is the responsibility of each person here? And do you think it is possible for a relationship to recover from the friendzone?

27 Comments

Emylee Perkins

3/29/2025 04:42:10 pm

Oh boy. I don't even know how to begin talking about this. This has happened to me more than once, but the most recent and long-standing one started my sophomore year and ended my senior year. You probably know who it is because unfortunately I don't get much privacy about it, so it doesn't matter if I share to enhance the conversation with an authentic perspective. Anyways, I was completely in love with this guy (not in a creepy way, I just liked him for three years.) I certainly do feel like both of us were in the wrong in different ways. I never gave up hope that he might start liking me back, and therefore I kept trying, though I don't feel it was aggressive or super uncomfortable for the person. I am usually not very bold and I didn't try to overly flirt with him, especially when I knew that person didn't like me back. However, he lied to me and told me that he just wasn't looking for anything in high school, then expressed interest in other girls. Obviously this may have started as him not wanting to hurt my feelings, but in the end it was a lot more destructive that he ended up lying because I had to find out the hard way that he just didn't like me and I never felt good enough. In addition, my friends put me under the impression that if I would just give it up I could be promised normal friendship and a sense of belonging in their group. I stopped pursuing him and even started liking some other people at different times instead, and eventually I realized that they were all doing things together without me. They held me, I believe unfairly, accountable for my transgressions for over a year prior, which I had completely fixed by before the time they just decided to completely kick me out of their group. The hardest thing about this is that I have crippling rejection anxiety and trauma, and after being harshly rejected and then mistreated by this person, everyone else decided that they didn't want me there anymore too. I still believe that these people are good people, and I am sorry if this sounds harsh, but this is just my perspective of what happened and I truly feel that they were more in the wrong than I was, so I am sorry. It's also completely unfair to bully and make fun of someone when you think they don't know about it under the false promise of acceptance, so I felt extremely humiliated. Just because you don't want to be friends with someone any more for whatever reason does not mean that you get to ruin their life or their senior year by doing everything you can to ensure that they don't get to have any other friends either. With this I say that both parties are innocent only as long as the other person doesn't try to keep pursuing after initial rejection and the liked person doesn't string them along for attention and then enjoy punishing them for an extended period of time and ostracizing them from any other friends they have. I know this piece was super long and probably sounds dramatic, but I hope that it helps someone or causes you to understand how it can be. I think that it is necessary for discussion and I hope that things will change for me, platonically and romantically, the hardest thing is just waiting and not seeing results because of the small population of this town. I also acknowledge that some of these problems were caused by outlying rejection and trauma that wasn't this person's fault, which made me have mental health problems and honestly I wasn't always fun to be around. However, I truly believe that everyone should be able to have love even if they're not happy. I know that sometimes it's a lot easier when you're on the side of rejecting someone else's advances. It's important to love yourself, but plants don't grow without some appreciation. I would be happy to see everyone's opinions on the topic and discuss the ethics of both sides as well! :)

Daniel Davidson

3/30/2025 09:11:12 pm

Emylee, thank you, for giving us insights into your own personal experiences with this topic. I appreciate your transparency and authenticity. I know of your situation, and, based on my knowledge, I agree with much of what you said. These individuals of whom you speak, like you conceded, are truly good people, and I am privileged to know them. Likewise, I agree much of the situation was not navigated as it ought to have been. The most important thing, probably, is to know that each person can be wonderful, when given the proper chance, and the choices they may make when in the dark, does not reflect their capacity while growing in a complimenting light. People have the capacity to be exceptional! That is what we should think off, while our feelings hurt. (After appropriate emotional and moral assessment has been taken.)

Brylee Ganske

3/30/2025 02:03:09 pm

I have experience both sides of this. If it's someone who likes me and I'm not interested I usually try to put them down easily because I still want to be friends with them afterwards. What is more common for me is when I like one of my friends, this has happened a bunch, because when I am interested in them I try to generally get to know someone if, which means becoming their friend. When this happens though that person usually doesn't show interest back because they only see me as a friend, because of this I normally won't try to tell them how I feel because I value our friendship more than anything. I don't think either is to blame, because you can't blame someone for who they feel in either situation, it's just not fair.

Emylee Perkins

3/30/2025 03:28:11 pm

I agree when you say it can be hard either way because obviously you want to get to know someone and be their friend first, but then sometimes it falls back and they only recognize you as a friend. The friendzone is really tricky because it can be really hard to get out of. I also feel like it can be really easy to get into if that other person doesn't have that initial attraction, because they probably still really value the friendship but don't like the person romantically.

Mariah

3/30/2025 05:13:45 pm

I think it's really good that you don't share your feelings about someone when you are just friends, because you don't want to put them in an awkward situation. I think it's also important to try to ask their friends first to try to find out if they like you back, otherwise you know you should just drop the subject.

Megan Aiello

3/30/2025 07:16:44 pm

Yeah, I agree with that as well, and you share a good point.

Kennedi

3/30/2025 08:02:13 pm

Do you believe that letting them down easy will allow a friendship to continue on? I also know that people later find out that they think someone doesn’t like them, when they like each other back. Blame and regret can be hard things so battle in these situations.

Brylee

3/31/2025 08:12:35 am

I think it depends how you do it, for example if you start just avoiding that friend then that isn't going to help keep the friendship in tact but if you say that you still want to be close to them and you just don't have feeling for them like that I believe they can still be friends unless the one who liked them was just trying to get close to them to get with them then that will probably end right then because they won't see getting anything out of it further.

Nicolas Sessions

4/20/2025 09:07:59 pm

W take on valuing friendship more than anything.

Mariah

3/30/2025 05:12:03 pm

I do believe a relationship can recover from a friend zone, but only if it was a stable friendship in the first place and built off of real loyalty and "friendship" love for each other in the first place. I don't think either person is at fault in a situation such as this, because they are both merely explaining their feelings, which they can't help, and they simply just don't feel the same. This is why you must be very careful when you confess your feelings to someone and/or when you shut someone down as well.

Emylee Perkins

3/30/2025 05:29:10 pm

I agree that you must be careful in how you present yourself in either situation, whether side you are on. I also agree that you cannot control your true feelings, whether you like someone or not. I do think that a relationship can come out of the friendzone too, but it all depends on the situation and what you have been through together as well.

Megan Aiello

3/30/2025 07:18:38 pm

You have a good point, I also worry about hurting someone else’s feelings and my own.

Brylee

3/31/2025 08:14:08 am

I agree, if the creation of the friendship wasn't just for the chance of getting with the other person and actually built off of that they thought that person was interesting and wanted to know them, then it will continue.

Deanda Lamping

4/13/2025 05:35:24 pm

You have a really good point. I find myself sympathizing so much with the other party. Totally agree.

Megan Aiello

3/30/2025 07:14:01 pm

I would also think that a relationship could recover from being friend zoned but with the right person. I also believe that the right person wrong time theory is true as well. I think as long as the relationship is healthy and worthwhile it would be easier to mange mutual feelings and friendships rather than a relationship or friendship that doesn’t.

Chanci Phillips

3/30/2025 07:24:44 pm

I agree, when a relationship is mutual, it is healthy, but if it lacks good communication, then things can fall apart.

Chanci Phillips

3/30/2025 07:23:06 pm

I think that neither party is at fault because you can’t be held responsible for another’s feelings for you and the other can only try to confess their feelings without getting hurt. If the friendship started with good intentions, communication, and trust, then I believe that a relationship could recover. One of the most common problems I see in young relationships is the lack of acceptance and maturity. We are all young and make mistakes and second chances can work after time spent in reflection.

Daniel Davidson

3/30/2025 09:16:44 pm

I don’t know if I can completely agree with the statements people are making about the recovery of friendship. It will always be different, it may be better in time, it may recover to a form of friendship, but I don’t think after the confession of such feelings, that things can go back to how they were unchanged .

Kennedi

3/30/2025 08:00:06 pm

I have a lot to say on this situation, feeling that I have been a part of both situations. Zoning in situations have been a major event that people can bond over. Being the one chasing can destroy self-confidence, and ruin your expectations for a future relationship. As for being the one being chased, it’s hard to hear that somebody has more feelings romantically That you do not reciprocate. I believe that having romantic feelings for somebody else when they do not have the same for you, does ruin a friendship. I don’t know how you combat this, but I think it’s something that might deal a little bit with social media, and not completely interacting with people, being braver to talk with them or hide. Either way it’s hard to deal with, but almost unexcapable.

Mariah

3/30/2025 08:27:34 pm

I agree that it is very hard to deal with either way, but I wish there was a way that someone could confess their feelings without the awkwardness and ruined friendships.

Briella

3/31/2025 10:45:46 am

I agree, I think it is possible to come back but it takes a lot of work and takes special type of people, and most of the time that won't happen. Most of the responsibility to change is on the chaser which might be why. It's an awkward situation all around.

Daniel Davidson

3/30/2025 09:01:29 pm

This opinion is strictly my own- I think that the two primary responsibilities of a person are to love God with their everything, and to love their fellow man with their everything. So long as any person is trying their best to pursue these two goals, I cannot fault them for going about it sloppily. Personal feelings can be messy and excruciatingly painful, and I deeply mourn with the heartache, discomfort and betrayal felt by both parties in this situation. I do not think anyone is wrong , though. We are all just trying to survive. I love y’all, and I hope you know that. It important to me that everyone understands, I don’t begrudge anyone else for them just surviving too, and I’m grateful for the leniency you each have shown me, when I fail at times.

Briella

3/31/2025 10:55:14 am

That is a very respectful opinion, I agree that people deserve grace and love. I do think it might be hard to use better judgement well in the situation on this. Nobody in this situation is wrong, but it could still drive people apart. But we always adapt and find new love, that is the human condition, we search for connection.

Deanda Lamping

4/13/2025 05:33:57 pm

I agree 100% with you Daniel.

Nicolas Sessions

4/20/2025 09:10:33 pm

I agree with my boy Daniel up in here spitting straight facts on the AM radio, metaphorically speaking. I don't think anyone is at fault.

Deanda Lamping

4/13/2025 05:33:04 pm

No person is at fault. Feelings differ and that is ok. People shouldn't be blamed from that decision. I have been on the receiving end and on the giving end. Both circumstances hurt because I know what it is like for the person I'm turning down because it sucks to be "rejected" but on the other hand it can be devastating to put yourself in a vulnerable situation and then your in this limelight of reality that can be soul crushing. Some people take it too far and they either can't or won't pick themselves back up from that heartbreak, which I think is the most important part. Being able to sit with yourself and feel that loss. Because we are more than the love we seek out, we also have to love ourselves even in the hardest times.

Nicolas Sessions

4/20/2025 09:22:04 pm

As someone once said, "crap happens." I don't think anyone is at fault in this situation they can't help how they both feel. The person who doesn't share the feelings shouldn't be expected to live a lie. The person with feelings can't help it, these things are difficult. It can be rough to grapple with telling someone your feelings when you know its probably not the best move. I think that any romantic relationship should be founded on friendship, with this in mind being honest seems to be a good trail to take. Neither should have to lie to themselves or the other person. It doesn't have to be that deep. Friends should in hope help make things okay but if not I guess that's just how it goes. I do think in certain circumstances the person with feelings should not pursue their interest, especially in the circumstance that their friend is already in a relationship. That is just crazy work and selfish. It is better to let it go for those people. There will be better things to come for them.

Friendzoning (Briella)

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